Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
