grandma shit on top of the toilet
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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