when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
