Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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