oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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