elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize