did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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