I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
