Can i not drive my cunt home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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