also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
