I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
