I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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