Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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