Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
