After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
