What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
