apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
