i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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