the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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