I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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