Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
