OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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