"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
