Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you never un-have a 4some
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
