found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize