just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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