I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I understand Curling. That high.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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