Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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