Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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