On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
