The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
