Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
