I feel like abortions should bother me more
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
