he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am naked and annoyed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
