i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize