Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
