I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
