thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
