Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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