I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
