i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
