I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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