i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
