we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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