I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize