I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize