Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
