$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
