Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
