its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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