I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
