we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
