Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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