a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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