I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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