nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
