Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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