Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize