Plan B is the new Plan A
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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