i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
