so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
