you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
