we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
